Acceptance

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I was tempted to call this post “Acceptance and Control” because of the theme I seem to be following with my posts of late. But this post is outside of that theme. This post is driven by a need in me to take a step back from the topic of control; to soften the message and create a space in this blog for the opposite of control: acceptance.

Control without acceptance is out of balance.

fucking enlightened

I have four posts waiting in the que to be finished, all of them on some aspect of control. To honour my own inner guidance, I had to write this post before I could finish any of those.

I speak about control because it is something I see lacking in many people’s lives. I witness people living on autopilot, simply reacting to life and not acknowledging the control they can exert in order to improve the quality of their lives. This is something I am constantly working on and experimenting with in my own life.

On the flip side of that, I also see people who are using control to try and resist or deny parts of themselves. People who are bottling up emotions and not honoring their expression. I see in myself a fear of expressing myself, and a fear of negative emotion, of feeling hurt or pain or loss.

When I talk about “conscious thinking”, control, or choosing our thoughts, and by extension, our emotions, I do not mean that we should be in control at all times.

We are not meant to be walking embodiments of inner peace.

Expose Yourself!

We are meant to have our ups and downs. Life is a rollercoaster of experiences and emotions.

I mentioned in my post about meditation, that it’s alright to have thoughts come up while meditating, that meditation is a practise in coming back to center. In life things will come up, there will be distractions, and we will wobble away from center. The wobbling is important. It’s in the wobbling that we learn our greatest lessons. It is also in the wobble that we find the zest of life.

Despite, or rather, in coexistence with, my search for inner peace and clarity, I am also an intensely emotional person who feels deeply and is constantly striving for openness. My daily existence made poignant with little miracles and tragedies, dreamings, imaginings, and longings. I am learning to embrace this person, to not hold her back so much, though she sometimes scares me.

It is on the precipice of change that true growth happens. This is where we face our fears and grow beyond who we were. This doesn’t happen in the stillness of calm centeredness. It is in stillness that we process the change brought about by upheaval and chaos.

I feel Philip Simmons worded it best in his book, “Learning to Fall”, when he compared us to clay pots being thrown on a potter’s wheel:

“This is the rhythm of our lives. We need the pulling, the striving, we need to be shaped by life. We need to be de-formed so that we may return to form. For we are not angels but men and women of clay. All of us will be pulled off-center, we will be shaped by both disaster and delight. So we need to learn the art of returning home, returning to center, letting go of all that binds us too tightly to both fear and hope, letting go of our attachment to both doom and reward, letting go of all that leaves us wobbling. When we learn to return home, we will return bearing gifts.”

We go out into the world to lose ourselves. We go within to find ourselves. There is a time for both. When we return bearing gifts we go within to integrate them.

This is true balance.

The art of balance requires that we wobble. We wobble back and forth between outer experience and inner contemplation, between striving and acceptance, between yearning and allowing, chaos and stillness.

It is in learning how to deliberately focus ourselves back to center that we learn to wobble gracefully.

With Love and Gratitude,

Robin

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Give Yourself A Break

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“To know yourself is the most fundamental Truth of life, it is the ultimate experience of your eternity, of your immortality, of your beginningless, endless existence. In the moment you know yourself you know everything. In the moment you know yourself you are home and you are the most beautiful being under heaven.” – Anonymous

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Sometimes I like to do tarot card, or rune readings. I choose the cards intuitively. I feel like by doing this, I am accessing an alternate part of my consciousness. A different point of view than the one in my immediate frame of mind. A different perspective. I have different decks, because different decks give you different possibilities. Today I chose to pull some cards from my Angel Dreams deck. I was hoping to get some direction to help me become more productive, to tap into my creative potential, because I feel like I’ve been wasting my days lately.

Well, the overwhelmingly obvious response from the cards was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear. The very clear message was simply REST. Give yourself a freaking break! Look inwards and be honest with yourself! And, to be honest, I have more than enough to handle right now, without adding some big creative project to the load.

We often expect too much from ourselves. We are not often able to admit, or accept what we are really capable of handling at one time. Even on the path to enlightenment, we can beat ourselves up for not becoming enlightened fast enough!

Yellow Sky

Currently, I am involved in a law suite, resulting from a car accident I was in a couple of years ago. I have been fighting with myself, and doing everything in my power, to keep from focusing on that law suite, because I didn’t want it to take over my life. I wanted to keep going on with my life, and remain positive, but I was fighting to disregard my own feelings! Everything in my being is telling me to focus on it, is saying that right now, being involved in a law suite, the result of which could impact the rest of my life, is more than enough to handle, and is worthy of my focus! Just that I need to focus positively on this situation, on what I can do to contribute to the realization of a positive outcome.

Fighting against this impulse has accomplished nothing. I haven’t been able to simply carry on with my life, nor have I been able to take proactive action towards a positive outcome. I have been struggling in limbo, and let me tell you, it is exhausting fighting yourself! And what have I been doing about that? Beating myself up for being exhausted! Because that’s helpful! (Sarcasm alert)

I changed

NO MORE.

If I need to lay in bed till 11am, then I’ll lay in bed till 11am. If my greatest urge right now, is to wrap myself up in blankets and listen to music, then I should honor that.

No Shame.

No Regret.

Just do whatever it is I am moved to do, at this moment.

But that’s too simple!

BAM!

No more trying to force myself to be diligent about my physio exercises, despite pain and exhaustion, because I wasn’t succeeding anyways, at anything other than making myself feel guilty for not doing them all.

No more telling myself that since I am not working, and I have all this time on my hands, I should be accomplishing something brilliant like writing a novel or composing a symphony or some shit, because I have enough on my plate with a law suite and learning to manage and live with chronic pain, walking my dog every day, and you know, taking care of myself.

No more telling myself I am a waste because I am not doing something productive, or spectacular, or winning a pulitzer, because I am enough, just as I am.

Being me is enough.

Being

And maybe, just maybe, when I stop fighting myself, I will get through this law suite a more enlightened person, and maybe I will find I have the urge to do more than curl up in a blanket fort, and maybe, by just being me, by following my strongest urges, the things that everything in my being is screaming at me to do, the things that I don’t have to beat myself up or cajole myself to do, then maybe I will find my purpose. Maybe when I give myself permission to follow my heart, and when I start to trust it’s direction, it will lead me somewhere beautiful…

Or maybe I’ll just have a really great time in that blanket fort.

Be Free

Bad Moods and Conscious Thought

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“Who sits in solitude and is quiet hath escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, seeing: yet against one thing shall he continually battle: that is, his own heart.” ~ Abbot Anthony

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I was sitting by a beautiful lake at sunset being frustrated and distracted by little things; the moment wasn’t the perfect scene I had pictured in my head. There was a dog barking, cutting through the otherwise perfect silence, and I was being bitten by mosquitos, and I had a hundred and one worries running through my head. I’d been looking forward to getting away from the city and having peace and solitude at the lake all week, but then, once I got there, I wasn’t able to enjoy it. When suddenly I thought to myself “look around you, look where you are!” I looked around and really saw for the first time that day, and a sense of awe and wonder bubbled up inside me as I sat there on the dew dampened grass watching the fish jumping out of the water, and admiring the tall grasses waving in the wind; at that moment more beautiful than a colourful bouquet, their dark silhouettes set against the last light of day reflecting off the water. It is in moments like that, when “the wildness and the pang of life steals into our hearts and thrills them” (~William James) that you realize what it’s all about, that all life culminates in this one moment, and the need for everything to be “just so” disintegrates as you finally appreciate what is.

It’s easy to get “caught” in a bad mood; to feel like there’s nothing we can do to shake it. Cartoonists depict a bad mood as our own personal rain cloud following us around, and it can certainly feel that way; like a force of nature, but that story paints us as a victim. When we become a victim of our bad moods, we surrender control of our thoughts and emotions; the very things we have the most potential to control in this ever changing life.

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When we give up control; because it is a choice, conscious or not; we start to feel powerless and “out of control” in our daily lives. We start to see everything in a negative light under that dark cloud: children’s laughter becomes annoying instead joyous, that beautiful sunny day is too hot and bright, everything our spouse says and does is wrong; it’s almost as if we start to look for things to add to our misery, to justify our bad mood, rather than owning our own feelings.

The problem starts to magnify as our bad mood effects our words and actions. We start to drift away from our core values and act in ways that go against our authentic selves: snapping at our children and spouses, losing it on the checkout clerk, cutting people off in traffic. All of this sets off a chain reaction as the people around us tend to react to our negativity in a negative way. Surrender to bad moods often enough and it becomes habit, part of our automatic programming; we drift on autopilot in a sea of negativity and we can drift so far away from our true selves, our highest potential for good, that it can seem impossible to find our way back.

The key to staying authentic, holding on to our truths, is to take back control of our thoughts and feelings: to take responsibility for our own moods. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and really own what you are feeling, right now, at this moment. No one and nothing “made” you feel this way. You made a decision, whether conscious or not, to feel this way, and you have the power to decide to feel differently. The power you have over your own emotions is incredible, and the more you practice consciousness of thought, the easier it becomes to stay in control.

This is why we have a “meditation practice”, because meditation is a practice for life. Not the practice of having an empty mind, but the practice of focusing your thoughts, bringing them back again and again so that when you find your thoughts spiraling out of control you have the capacity to bring them back to center again and again. Meditation is the practice of conscious thought.

Manifestation

OPPORTUNITIES AND CHOICES

“Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything.” ~ Deepak Chopra,  The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

You can make a decision, right now, to change your focus, to change your mood. Whatever situation or person you are holding responsible for your bad mood right now, free them of that responsibility. Put the power right back where it belongs: in your hands, or more accurately, in your mind.

That situation didn’t just happen to you; own the fact that you created it, that it is exactly what you need at this moment for your personal growth. Ask the question “what do I need to learn from this in my life right now?” Be grateful for the challenge and the opportunity to grow.

“On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing only one of two things: either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.
Evolution is win-win…life is self-correcting.”
~ Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

That person didn’t do that hurtful thing TO you; that person did something misguided and small. You chose to take it personally, you chose to be hurt by it. You can make a different choice. You can change your mind. Choose to see that misguided small person for who they really are: another Soul, lost and confused on the journey to enlightenment just like yourself.

Recognize parts of yourself in them, as much as it may pain you to do so. Learn true humility and look at the parts of yourself you are really scared to face staring back at you in their eyes.

Recognize that the fear and the pain come from not accepting those parts of yourself. When you are able to love those parts, you will be able to love that person, and be grateful they came into your life to act as your mirror and teacher. They are there to play a role in your life, as you are there to play a role in their life.

Recognize that we are all actors on the stage of life, and nothing is personal. In your eyes, they are just the role they are playing in your life, but in reality, they are a Soul, a heart, and a consciousness: a piece of the Divine.

Recognize the Divine in them, and the Divine in you, and the Divine at work in your life.

These are the tough lessons.

This is the real hard shit.

This is when you rise to the challenge, let go of your ego, and let yourself love yourself as you truly are, not as you pretend to be, or wish you were.

This is when you realize that everything you are is enough, and when everything you are is enough, then every need you have to be right, or to be validated, or to be justified melts away, and taking ownership of your feelings is no longer terrifying because there is no judgement at your own failings; no nagging voice telling you you are not good enough.

Just acceptance.

Just Love.

Love yourself enough to choose better things for yourself.

Love yourself enough to take back your power and remember that this is a journey and that you won’t get it all right all of the time, but every moment is another opportunity to make a better choice. Be grateful for the opportunity to shine.

Divine Feminie

“The truly courageous person is able to withstand harm without the mental suffering that hatred and anger bring.” ~ The Dalai Lama

Letters To Lost Lovers

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“So much of spiritual life involves one’s interior journey, yet for most of us spirituality gets expressed – even transformed – only in our relationships with others.”

– Philip Simmons, Learning to Fall

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Dear Lover,

We had two perfect weeks.

Two amazing, soul inspiring, life affirming, LOVE affirming weeks out of time and reality, suspended in a golden bubble.

No one can take those two weeks away.

They cannot be tainted, they cannot be REPLICATED, but they will be treasured forever in my heart.

I will remember those two weeks.

I will forget that phone conversation when you tried to wrest them from me.

I will not wonder if I will ever see you again; that is not for me to decide. The flow of the Universe brought us together, and only the flow of the Universe can bring us back together. If we never come back together, then we were only ever meant to have those two weeks, and I am not what you need, and you are not what I
need. Trust.

Love ALways,

Robin

meeting of souls

Dear Lover,

I do Love you. I will always Love you. Unconditionally. No matter how far away you are, or how much time passes. I Love you.

This is not a possessive Love. I do not expect anything in return.

Just know, that out there in the world, there is someone who saw the best in you once, and will always believe you can be that person. Someone who shared the best of herself with you. You brought that out; you brought out the best in me.

Love Always,

Robin

Divine Feminie

Dear Lover,

You can’t love me.

You can’t see me.

You can’t hear me.

You can’t feel me.

But I love you. I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I don’t hate you.

I don’t need to hate to let go, not anymore.

I don’t forgive you; there is nothing to forgive. Thank you for accepting my love, may it set you free.

Love Always,

Robin


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Dear Lover,

There is nothing to forgive. Would I forgive you for being human? I am only human myself.

You did what you felt you needed to do. I do not take it personally. Yes I am in pain, but the pain is mine; you did not cause it.

You did not break my heart; I broke my heart. I broke my heart with expectation, with need, with my inability to accept. I broke my heart with fear.

There is nothing to forgive. You are on your journey, I am on mine. We both choose the quality of our passage, although we may not always choose the means.

Love Always,

Robin

radiant heart

“The universe is made up of experiences that are designed to burn out your attachment, your clinging, to pleasure, to pain, to fear, to all of it. And as long as there is a place where you’re vulnerable, the universe will find a way to confront you with it.”

– Ram Dass

There is no easy path. I keep asking myself “why do I always choose the harder path?”, but the real question is “why do I choose to suffer over the journey?”.

There is no easy path; there is no harder path.There are just many paths. Each with obstacles and challenges. Each leading to the same destination. And there is the choice to suffer or to accept; to embrace LOVE or to be ruled by FEAR.

Now that I accept responsibility for my own suffering, there is no reason for blame. Anger at all past hurts fades away, and is replaced by understanding. A new level of clarity is reached, and with it comes a sense of awakening freedom; a soft light emerging on the horizon, harkening the dawn of a new day.

With Love,

Robin