Acceptance

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I was tempted to call this post “Acceptance and Control” because of the theme I seem to be following with my posts of late. But this post is outside of that theme. This post is driven by a need in me to take a step back from the topic of control; to soften the message and create a space in this blog for the opposite of control: acceptance.

Control without acceptance is out of balance.

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I have four posts waiting in the que to be finished, all of them on some aspect of control. To honour my own inner guidance, I had to write this post before I could finish any of those.

I speak about control because it is something I see lacking in many people’s lives. I witness people living on autopilot, simply reacting to life and not acknowledging the control they can exert in order to improve the quality of their lives. This is something I am constantly working on and experimenting with in my own life.

On the flip side of that, I also see people who are using control to try and resist or deny parts of themselves. People who are bottling up emotions and not honoring their expression. I see in myself a fear of expressing myself, and a fear of negative emotion, of feeling hurt or pain or loss.

When I talk about “conscious thinking”, control, or choosing our thoughts, and by extension, our emotions, I do not mean that we should be in control at all times.

We are not meant to be walking embodiments of inner peace.

Expose Yourself!

We are meant to have our ups and downs. Life is a rollercoaster of experiences and emotions.

I mentioned in my post about meditation, that it’s alright to have thoughts come up while meditating, that meditation is a practise in coming back to center. In life things will come up, there will be distractions, and we will wobble away from center. The wobbling is important. It’s in the wobbling that we learn our greatest lessons. It is also in the wobble that we find the zest of life.

Despite, or rather, in coexistence with, my search for inner peace and clarity, I am also an intensely emotional person who feels deeply and is constantly striving for openness. My daily existence made poignant with little miracles and tragedies, dreamings, imaginings, and longings. I am learning to embrace this person, to not hold her back so much, though she sometimes scares me.

It is on the precipice of change that true growth happens. This is where we face our fears and grow beyond who we were. This doesn’t happen in the stillness of calm centeredness. It is in stillness that we process the change brought about by upheaval and chaos.

I feel Philip Simmons worded it best in his book, “Learning to Fall”, when he compared us to clay pots being thrown on a potter’s wheel:

“This is the rhythm of our lives. We need the pulling, the striving, we need to be shaped by life. We need to be de-formed so that we may return to form. For we are not angels but men and women of clay. All of us will be pulled off-center, we will be shaped by both disaster and delight. So we need to learn the art of returning home, returning to center, letting go of all that binds us too tightly to both fear and hope, letting go of our attachment to both doom and reward, letting go of all that leaves us wobbling. When we learn to return home, we will return bearing gifts.”

We go out into the world to lose ourselves. We go within to find ourselves. There is a time for both. When we return bearing gifts we go within to integrate them.

This is true balance.

The art of balance requires that we wobble. We wobble back and forth between outer experience and inner contemplation, between striving and acceptance, between yearning and allowing, chaos and stillness.

It is in learning how to deliberately focus ourselves back to center that we learn to wobble gracefully.

With Love and Gratitude,

Robin

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Power and Control

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

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I was up insanely early one morning, because my subconscious decided to throw some deep shit at me, right in that space between sleep and awake, when we are most open to information. For me, for anyone else that needs to hear it, let me lay it down.

It all came together after a discussion one night with a few people about pain and about taking responsibility for your own feelings, a topic I have discussed here before. I realized that one person in the discussion was not taking responsibility for their feelings, and in doing so, they were giving another power over them. As long as you give another responsibility for your feelings, you give them your power! That’s a big realization for me!

For this post I’ll call them X and Y.

The reason X was able to take Y’s power like that is because Y had already given it up. Y talked about X attacking their past abuse, and that being a weakness for them. What that means is, Y still had not taken responsibility for their pain from those previous attacks. Until Y can find a way to own their feelings about their past, Y will be giving those past events power over themselves, power that people like X can and will use.

Of course, the obvious question is, what do I mean by owning your feelings, or taking responsibility for your pain?

In my post, “Fear and Control”, I talked about how all we really have control over is our own happiness, or, our own emotions. This is what I mean by owning your pain. I mean to recognize that you are the one in control; you are the one who is choosing to be in pain.
This can seem very callous, especially when dealing with issues like childhood abuse, but it is not meant as a judgement, or to place blame with the victim. It is about freeing them from the victim mentality; to free them from the very idea that they are a victim. It is all about taking your power back.

Transformed

This is not to say that abuse is good or right. No, it is to say that all psychological pain you feel is still your responsibility, and you will always be the victim, in your own mind, until you take responsibility for, or ownership of, your pain.
When you can say “those events happened to me, those people were wrong to do that to me, I feel pain over those events” then you have taken the first step.

The next step is to release all pain and other negative emotions associated with those events. This can be very difficult, and I highly recommend getting the help of someone you trust with this. I use the techniques of EMDR and EFT for clearing emotions. You may have others that work for you. The point is. To complete the next step, and be truly free from those past events, and the idea of victimization, you must reach a point where you can recall those events in detail and say ” those events happened to me and I felt pain”, without feeling the pain in the present moment. They are merely events that happened in the past.

Then you will have owned your pain and released it. Then, anyone can say whatever they want about your past, and it will not hurt you. The events have no power over you, so, therefore, others cannot gain power over you.

Freedom

This idea really applies to all areas of life. Far too often we react to the people, conditions, or events around us, without exercising conscious control over our own thoughts and emotions. When things we like happen, we feel good, when things we don’t like happen, we feel bad. This may seem a perfectly normal, and even acceptable, way of going about life, but it puts you on an emotional roller coaster ride that you can’t get off of!

Peace!

You cannot control all the conditions in your life.

Other people’s actions, chance events, weather, the economy…. these are all out of your control.

If how you feel is dependent on these conditions, then you are completely out of control.

And I think a lot of people really do feel out of control.

This is what this post is about: TAKING YOUR POWER BACK!

Do not give responsibility, or control of how you feel, and your own happiness, to anyone or anything, other than yourself. Period.

I changed

Love to you all,

Robin

Bad Moods and Conscious Thought

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“Who sits in solitude and is quiet hath escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, seeing: yet against one thing shall he continually battle: that is, his own heart.” ~ Abbot Anthony

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I was sitting by a beautiful lake at sunset being frustrated and distracted by little things; the moment wasn’t the perfect scene I had pictured in my head. There was a dog barking, cutting through the otherwise perfect silence, and I was being bitten by mosquitos, and I had a hundred and one worries running through my head. I’d been looking forward to getting away from the city and having peace and solitude at the lake all week, but then, once I got there, I wasn’t able to enjoy it. When suddenly I thought to myself “look around you, look where you are!” I looked around and really saw for the first time that day, and a sense of awe and wonder bubbled up inside me as I sat there on the dew dampened grass watching the fish jumping out of the water, and admiring the tall grasses waving in the wind; at that moment more beautiful than a colourful bouquet, their dark silhouettes set against the last light of day reflecting off the water. It is in moments like that, when “the wildness and the pang of life steals into our hearts and thrills them” (~William James) that you realize what it’s all about, that all life culminates in this one moment, and the need for everything to be “just so” disintegrates as you finally appreciate what is.

It’s easy to get “caught” in a bad mood; to feel like there’s nothing we can do to shake it. Cartoonists depict a bad mood as our own personal rain cloud following us around, and it can certainly feel that way; like a force of nature, but that story paints us as a victim. When we become a victim of our bad moods, we surrender control of our thoughts and emotions; the very things we have the most potential to control in this ever changing life.

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When we give up control; because it is a choice, conscious or not; we start to feel powerless and “out of control” in our daily lives. We start to see everything in a negative light under that dark cloud: children’s laughter becomes annoying instead joyous, that beautiful sunny day is too hot and bright, everything our spouse says and does is wrong; it’s almost as if we start to look for things to add to our misery, to justify our bad mood, rather than owning our own feelings.

The problem starts to magnify as our bad mood effects our words and actions. We start to drift away from our core values and act in ways that go against our authentic selves: snapping at our children and spouses, losing it on the checkout clerk, cutting people off in traffic. All of this sets off a chain reaction as the people around us tend to react to our negativity in a negative way. Surrender to bad moods often enough and it becomes habit, part of our automatic programming; we drift on autopilot in a sea of negativity and we can drift so far away from our true selves, our highest potential for good, that it can seem impossible to find our way back.

The key to staying authentic, holding on to our truths, is to take back control of our thoughts and feelings: to take responsibility for our own moods. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and really own what you are feeling, right now, at this moment. No one and nothing “made” you feel this way. You made a decision, whether conscious or not, to feel this way, and you have the power to decide to feel differently. The power you have over your own emotions is incredible, and the more you practice consciousness of thought, the easier it becomes to stay in control.

This is why we have a “meditation practice”, because meditation is a practice for life. Not the practice of having an empty mind, but the practice of focusing your thoughts, bringing them back again and again so that when you find your thoughts spiraling out of control you have the capacity to bring them back to center again and again. Meditation is the practice of conscious thought.

Manifestation

OPPORTUNITIES AND CHOICES

“Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything.” ~ Deepak Chopra,  The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

You can make a decision, right now, to change your focus, to change your mood. Whatever situation or person you are holding responsible for your bad mood right now, free them of that responsibility. Put the power right back where it belongs: in your hands, or more accurately, in your mind.

That situation didn’t just happen to you; own the fact that you created it, that it is exactly what you need at this moment for your personal growth. Ask the question “what do I need to learn from this in my life right now?” Be grateful for the challenge and the opportunity to grow.

“On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing only one of two things: either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.
Evolution is win-win…life is self-correcting.”
~ Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

That person didn’t do that hurtful thing TO you; that person did something misguided and small. You chose to take it personally, you chose to be hurt by it. You can make a different choice. You can change your mind. Choose to see that misguided small person for who they really are: another Soul, lost and confused on the journey to enlightenment just like yourself.

Recognize parts of yourself in them, as much as it may pain you to do so. Learn true humility and look at the parts of yourself you are really scared to face staring back at you in their eyes.

Recognize that the fear and the pain come from not accepting those parts of yourself. When you are able to love those parts, you will be able to love that person, and be grateful they came into your life to act as your mirror and teacher. They are there to play a role in your life, as you are there to play a role in their life.

Recognize that we are all actors on the stage of life, and nothing is personal. In your eyes, they are just the role they are playing in your life, but in reality, they are a Soul, a heart, and a consciousness: a piece of the Divine.

Recognize the Divine in them, and the Divine in you, and the Divine at work in your life.

These are the tough lessons.

This is the real hard shit.

This is when you rise to the challenge, let go of your ego, and let yourself love yourself as you truly are, not as you pretend to be, or wish you were.

This is when you realize that everything you are is enough, and when everything you are is enough, then every need you have to be right, or to be validated, or to be justified melts away, and taking ownership of your feelings is no longer terrifying because there is no judgement at your own failings; no nagging voice telling you you are not good enough.

Just acceptance.

Just Love.

Love yourself enough to choose better things for yourself.

Love yourself enough to take back your power and remember that this is a journey and that you won’t get it all right all of the time, but every moment is another opportunity to make a better choice. Be grateful for the opportunity to shine.

Divine Feminie

“The truly courageous person is able to withstand harm without the mental suffering that hatred and anger bring.” ~ The Dalai Lama

Fear and Control

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So I keep screwing up this attraction thing. I keep attracting the things I want, but then, when they’re almost in my grasp, something goes wrong and they slip through my fingers. Or it seems like I’ve got what I want, but then it blows up in my face, and I find out that wasn’t really what I wanted after all.

As I said in my last post on the Law of Attraction, we don’t really know what we want, we just know we want to be happy. The trick is we focus on the things we think will make us happy instead of actual happiness.

So why do things keep going wrong when I try to attract the things I think I want? Because I am still trying to be in CONTROL.

The problem with the over-simplified Law of Attraction is that it’s all about being in CONTROL. I’m going to choose exactly what I want and attract that so I won’t ever have to feel anything bad or ever be uncomfortable. My life will be PERFECT.

But what is control? CHOICE? Would I CHOOSE to be in control of every detail, every aspect of my life so that my entire life experience would be limited by what I can imagine? Would I really choose such a limited existence over the limitless possibilities of an infinite Universe? Do I really want CONTROL?

Trying to be in control is like fighting the tide; there is no controlling fate or the tides of the Universe, there is only the ILLUSION of control and a constant struggle to maintain it. And it is when we struggle that we suffer.

To be truly OPEN, to be truly FREE, is to let go of the illusion of control you are bound in, stop the struggle, and let the abundance of the Universe in, knowing, trusting, that it will provide not necessarily what is wanted, but always what is needed.

Also knowing that the Universe and your own soul will demand that you do, indeed, GROW, and that to grow you will have to leave your comfort zone.

So the equation for today would go something like: NEED for CONTROL = FEAR of GROWTH, FEAR of CHANGE

CHANGE – quite possibly the most terrifying word in existence, and yet it is the path to freedom.

Because it is when we change, when we face our fears, when life throws the hard shit at us and we get UNCOMFORTABLE that we find out who we truly are; we are confronted with the dark sides of ourselves and given an opportunity to transform them; we dig deep and find strength we never knew we had; we see what it is that truly nourishes our souls; we see what’s really important. It is in those moments that we can see clearly just how in control we really are, because ultimately we are in total control of our own happiness, and that is what is truly important.

Life is a series of opportunities and choices. The Universe provides the opportunities but we control the choices we make, and every moment is a new opportunity to choose happiness instead of fear, growth instead of control, freedom instead of illusion.

“How you do anything is how you do everything” – Jack Canfield

Or as I said to a friend the other day “If you can’t be happy grocery shopping, you can’t be happy doing anything.”

With Love,

Robin

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