Power and Control

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

wild-woman-within

I was up insanely early one morning, because my subconscious decided to throw some deep shit at me, right in that space between sleep and awake, when we are most open to information. For me, for anyone else that needs to hear it, let me lay it down.

It all came together after a discussion one night with a few people about pain and about taking responsibility for your own feelings, a topic I have discussed here before. I realized that one person in the discussion was not taking responsibility for their feelings, and in doing so, they were giving another power over them. As long as you give another responsibility for your feelings, you give them your power! That’s a big realization for me!

For this post I’ll call them X and Y.

The reason X was able to take Y’s power like that is because Y had already given it up. Y talked about X attacking their past abuse, and that being a weakness for them. What that means is, Y still had not taken responsibility for their pain from those previous attacks. Until Y can find a way to own their feelings about their past, Y will be giving those past events power over themselves, power that people like X can and will use.

Of course, the obvious question is, what do I mean by owning your feelings, or taking responsibility for your pain?

In my post, “Fear and Control”, I talked about how all we really have control over is our own happiness, or, our own emotions. This is what I mean by owning your pain. I mean to recognize that you are the one in control; you are the one who is choosing to be in pain.
This can seem very callous, especially when dealing with issues like childhood abuse, but it is not meant as a judgement, or to place blame with the victim. It is about freeing them from the victim mentality; to free them from the very idea that they are a victim. It is all about taking your power back.

Transformed

This is not to say that abuse is good or right. No, it is to say that all psychological pain you feel is still your responsibility, and you will always be the victim, in your own mind, until you take responsibility for, or ownership of, your pain.
When you can say “those events happened to me, those people were wrong to do that to me, I feel pain over those events” then you have taken the first step.

The next step is to release all pain and other negative emotions associated with those events. This can be very difficult, and I highly recommend getting the help of someone you trust with this. I use the techniques of EMDR and EFT for clearing emotions. You may have others that work for you. The point is. To complete the next step, and be truly free from those past events, and the idea of victimization, you must reach a point where you can recall those events in detail and say ” those events happened to me and I felt pain”, without feeling the pain in the present moment. They are merely events that happened in the past.

Then you will have owned your pain and released it. Then, anyone can say whatever they want about your past, and it will not hurt you. The events have no power over you, so, therefore, others cannot gain power over you.

Freedom

This idea really applies to all areas of life. Far too often we react to the people, conditions, or events around us, without exercising conscious control over our own thoughts and emotions. When things we like happen, we feel good, when things we don’t like happen, we feel bad. This may seem a perfectly normal, and even acceptable, way of going about life, but it puts you on an emotional roller coaster ride that you can’t get off of!

Peace!

You cannot control all the conditions in your life.

Other people’s actions, chance events, weather, the economy…. these are all out of your control.

If how you feel is dependent on these conditions, then you are completely out of control.

And I think a lot of people really do feel out of control.

This is what this post is about: TAKING YOUR POWER BACK!

Do not give responsibility, or control of how you feel, and your own happiness, to anyone or anything, other than yourself. Period.

I changed

Love to you all,

Robin

Give Yourself A Break

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“To know yourself is the most fundamental Truth of life, it is the ultimate experience of your eternity, of your immortality, of your beginningless, endless existence. In the moment you know yourself you know everything. In the moment you know yourself you are home and you are the most beautiful being under heaven.” – Anonymous

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Sometimes I like to do tarot card, or rune readings. I choose the cards intuitively. I feel like by doing this, I am accessing an alternate part of my consciousness. A different point of view than the one in my immediate frame of mind. A different perspective. I have different decks, because different decks give you different possibilities. Today I chose to pull some cards from my Angel Dreams deck. I was hoping to get some direction to help me become more productive, to tap into my creative potential, because I feel like I’ve been wasting my days lately.

Well, the overwhelmingly obvious response from the cards was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear. The very clear message was simply REST. Give yourself a freaking break! Look inwards and be honest with yourself! And, to be honest, I have more than enough to handle right now, without adding some big creative project to the load.

We often expect too much from ourselves. We are not often able to admit, or accept what we are really capable of handling at one time. Even on the path to enlightenment, we can beat ourselves up for not becoming enlightened fast enough!

Yellow Sky

Currently, I am involved in a law suite, resulting from a car accident I was in a couple of years ago. I have been fighting with myself, and doing everything in my power, to keep from focusing on that law suite, because I didn’t want it to take over my life. I wanted to keep going on with my life, and remain positive, but I was fighting to disregard my own feelings! Everything in my being is telling me to focus on it, is saying that right now, being involved in a law suite, the result of which could impact the rest of my life, is more than enough to handle, and is worthy of my focus! Just that I need to focus positively on this situation, on what I can do to contribute to the realization of a positive outcome.

Fighting against this impulse has accomplished nothing. I haven’t been able to simply carry on with my life, nor have I been able to take proactive action towards a positive outcome. I have been struggling in limbo, and let me tell you, it is exhausting fighting yourself! And what have I been doing about that? Beating myself up for being exhausted! Because that’s helpful! (Sarcasm alert)

I changed

NO MORE.

If I need to lay in bed till 11am, then I’ll lay in bed till 11am. If my greatest urge right now, is to wrap myself up in blankets and listen to music, then I should honor that.

No Shame.

No Regret.

Just do whatever it is I am moved to do, at this moment.

But that’s too simple!

BAM!

No more trying to force myself to be diligent about my physio exercises, despite pain and exhaustion, because I wasn’t succeeding anyways, at anything other than making myself feel guilty for not doing them all.

No more telling myself that since I am not working, and I have all this time on my hands, I should be accomplishing something brilliant like writing a novel or composing a symphony or some shit, because I have enough on my plate with a law suite and learning to manage and live with chronic pain, walking my dog every day, and you know, taking care of myself.

No more telling myself I am a waste because I am not doing something productive, or spectacular, or winning a pulitzer, because I am enough, just as I am.

Being me is enough.

Being

And maybe, just maybe, when I stop fighting myself, I will get through this law suite a more enlightened person, and maybe I will find I have the urge to do more than curl up in a blanket fort, and maybe, by just being me, by following my strongest urges, the things that everything in my being is screaming at me to do, the things that I don’t have to beat myself up or cajole myself to do, then maybe I will find my purpose. Maybe when I give myself permission to follow my heart, and when I start to trust it’s direction, it will lead me somewhere beautiful…

Or maybe I’ll just have a really great time in that blanket fort.

Be Free